reality bites and jawbreakers

the thing about being upset with someone for a choice they were at liberty to make to begin with is that there little room for you to feel this way.
for them, the decision wasn't about you at all so they go about with their lives, happily with the consequences of their choice i might add, unaware that you've been miffed.so you just pretend to be happy about it, put on your brightest fake smile and say things you don't really mean.you can't - won't - say how you really feel because
a.)they might think you're being irrational and unreasonable and
b.) you know you're being irrational and unreasonable.
but you're still upset anyway and the knowledge that you shouldn't be frustrates you even more not only because you have no proper channel for it but even more so because you know, things will never play out the way you want them to.
so you remain upset despite your best efforts to be cheerful and objective.but like subconscious excesses that manage to ease itself in our dreams and in the things we blurt out, my frustrations have peeked through headaches, withdrawal syndromes,somber fits and an almost obsessive compulsion to organize and nitpick.and in a way, i think it is good because other people no longer take the brunt of my frustrations, a sign of maturity i'd like to believe.instead, i become a self-absorbing sponge for all these drama.so the next time you see me, please remember, i am a gentle, fragile sponge, please handle me with care.
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another one of my least favorite things is not knowing, not knowing enough or not knowing in time.it is not so much that having the knowledge can allow me to alter what is or what will be but i want to at least have enough time to get used to an idea.it's bad enough to learn that your perception of reality has to be altered tremendously but then you have to put up a reaction that you wouldn't regret afterwards.unfortunately, i have yet to master the art of impromptu acting that would belie what i really feel.at least, knowing beforehand can give me enough time to practice that nonchalant expression when i pretend to be ecstatic when i hear the news for the first time.
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the amazing race 6 ended today with engaged models kendra and freddy finishing first.the only episode i managed to watch from start to end was the finale but i was rooting for jon and kris who ended up in 2nd place.some clips from tar 7 were shown after the finale.some teams to watch out for in rob and amber from survivor all stars and ron and kelly, former hostage in Iraq(POW sounds more politically correct) and a beauty queen respectively.
also,today, in american idol, was the first day of the elimination for those who made it during the state auditions.former smokey mountain member shar galvez(think the coconut nut is a giant nut,nuninu) made it as well as well as anthony federov(the miracle kid who doctors diagnosed wouldn't be able to speak because of a sickness he had when he was a kid).i like anthony because he reminds me of harry potter,except he's blond.