of goodbyes and hellos

i dread goodbyes. two weeks ago, i was at the airport to see off my sisters and my uncle who spent the christmas and new year here. having them around, especially my sisters, made me realize how much i've missed by choosing to stay here instead of going home. and once again i began to wonder if this road that i've chosen to take is worth giving up the old one i've abandoned. in the end, it's the same fear of goodbyes that compelled me to stay. that, and the fear that i might not be able to turn back.
but anyway, i'm digressing. i just learned today another officemate would be resigning, aside from the other two who are also set to leave by next month. one of them is my partner and more importantly, one of the few friends i have at work. already i foresee more work for me, less people to keep me sane during those unbearable workdays and hopefully, a salary increase and better benefits because management wants to make people stay.
i tell myself i should get used to it by now, this cycle of farewells and welcomes, that these departures give way to other arrivals and the pep talk goes on. but the hollow feeling after watching someone leave remains. although it dulls after some time until you finally resume the normal pace of your life. most of the time i know it does and you can remember people without flinching or growing pensive.
yesterday, on my way home, i struck up a conversation with two my officemates about the pets we had. i told them about this abandoned flea-infested puppy my aunt and i found near my mom's canteen. we spent hours trying to get him cleaned up because practically every strand of his hair was teeming with fleas. after numerous baths in vinegar and oil(they said it helps get rid of fleas) and getting ourselves half-soaked, he was clean. so we took him home and everyone was ecstatic about our new-found pet.
the next day, our entire family went off to a picnic in the beach. i wanted taking the puppy with us but my dad, after engaging in a verbal tussle with my mom, ended up with a foul mood and ordered us to leave the puppy behind. when we got home, we found him (the puppy, not my dad) dead after one of the older dogs bit him on the neck.i remembered my sisters and i crying that day.even my mom got teary-eyed. but yesterday, when i recalled that incident yesterday, i laughed at how ridiculous we might have looked crying over the dead puppy.
someday, i know, i will look back and have a good laugh about how silly i am being now. and that most of the time, i won't even remember half the people i dread losing. of course, i know losing people are a lot different from losing pets. but i also know that like pets, we have to let some go to make room for others to come, because we don't have enough space to keep everyone.